You Can't

Perhaps it's my overexposure of child-minded "men-boys" at my job, or the lack of interesting straight men my age,  or my departure from an abundance of available, attractive black men that has cause me to realize what my potential husband, boyfriend or boo thang can't do for me.  This is in no particular order.

1. You can't father a child that's not mine and might not even be yours and think I'm going to stick around.

2. You can't believe in evolution.

3. You can't wear super skinny jeans.

4. You can't pretend to be straight, you and I have TOO much in common, I'm just saying.

5. You can't have braids.

6. You can't discuss fantasy football and reddit all day!

7. You can't say, "Ahh my girlfriend's coming staying over this weekend" and not sounded excited. HELLO you might get laid. Just being real.  But not with your current attitude.

8. You can't talk about politics all day and not vote.

9. You can't have no ambition, no hope for a better future.

10. You can't have longer hair than me. Vain I realize but that's not cute to me.

11. You can't live with an ex.

12. You can't have multiple baby mamas.

13. You can't have nothing in common with me. What would we talk about?

14. You can't not work out or have some type of physical activity.

15. You can't be a straight up mama's boy.

Now I clearly realize how reasonable my can'ts are. Frankly I'm quite kind.  I hopeful this man is out there. And I'm also hopeful he'll natural have the qualities I desire and not just the "potential" women like myself usually go for.

What are your "can'ts"

Journey to Healthy Hair

Just say no, just say no. 

Why is it during the winter time curly girls are so tempted to flat iron? Is it easier to wear straight locks to keep your hair moisturized in cold months. Or is it that the winter time is the only time when curly girls hair will stay straight? I'm falling into it myself. It  is so easy to do because supposedly wet hair in cold weather equals being sick. 

Since I around have some damage I don't want to add more heat to the already damaged ends.  Here are the steps I am taking:

1. Daily moisturize hair with my moisturizer (Kids' Best Moisturizing hair lotion)

2. Oil my scalp and ends with olive, grapeseed, or herbal oil daily. 

3. Shampoo weekly

4. Deep Condition weekly

5. Co-Wash more

6. Be gentle when styling. 

I have been doing protein treatments more frequently to help with the damage but ultimately I have been chopping my straight damaged pieces. 

What I am trying not to do is straighten my hair. But if I do. I would condition my hair overnight in big detangled twist so I don't have that much work to do in the morning .  Add a heat protectant . If you have a comb attachment blow your hair out, that way. I don't so I would use a paddle brush and blow out my big twist. When my hair is dry I would add a little oil and straighten in small sections probably with my instyler. Add moisture if needed. 

Usually I wear my hair in twist outs, styled a day or two after a wash and go. As the week progresses I wear buns or my new fav hair style is the faux french braid. 

Does doing a Big Chop make you more natural?

When I made the decision to stop getting relaxers and style my hair in its own natural texture it was a slow decision. I am accustom to long hair and I was not going to just chop it all off and have short hair. Nowadays I see so many women at my university and just around who have big chopped. I wonder do they feel more liberated than me? Is the big chop your initiation into Natural Hair Community? So if you gradually transition does that make you a cheater?
I can only speak for those who have transitioned into natural hair. I personal do believe this is the best route towards natural hair because you are able to learn your hair in the the time you are transitioning. We transitioners get the change to chop up our hair a bit also. But not in the same vein as a big chopper.

The concept of a natural afrocentric woman might be the woman that big chops her hair to free herself of her creamy crack addiction. Free herself of the norm, free herself of societal requires of beauty.

But the lady transitioning has to two opposing textures basically fighting each other on her head. She might try to preserve some kind of social acceptance until she is conformable and confidence in her natural texture.

Am I saying a gal with a TWA is more confident than someone with bra strap length hair with some relaxed ends? Not really, I'm saying the initial release that comes with cutting off all of your relaxed ends (ie societal norms, things that are commonly perceived as beautiful) disappear and the gal is now left with just her. Her natural untouched, untamed, possibly unruly self.  Now that is staying beautiful.

In  the end it's really up to the woman and her preference. I don't think I would want to big chop. I liked watching my hair awkwardly change in front of me. It was pretty liberating.

Five Natural Hair faves

Pajamas and flippy hair

Christmas is near and my break has been so relaxing... I stay in my pajamas. And I have kept my hair still straight even though my sister doesn't think it's straight because it has body.... It's nice to run my fingers through it. I like doing my hair for me. Never because someone has asked me to straighten it. I love the versatility natural hair gives. But I know the versatile comes at a price.... HEAT DAMAGE! I have a few super straight pieces in the back. I have tried the aphogee and it helped bring the shape back. But it is probably permenantly that way. I'm going to have to cut it some day. I could say I'm not going to straight my hair next year. But sadly I might have to conform to a look. But I can tell you I'll be the one doing the straighting. People don't know what my hair does. So no I don't trust anyone with heat on my hair. It may look good or it may look stringy. But if I didn't do the straighting it wont be straight. Soon I will be posting my back to health video and blog series. I'm going to start with a natural protein treatment. Something like an egg, olive and coconut oil, mayo and a little fragrance. Ill keep you posted!!

Natural Hair Update

It has been so long since I have blogged. Ahh the feel of the keys, it's great.  My hair right now is actually straighten because I just got an Instyler. I do believe it is a good straightener.  Better than my FHI maybe? The new products I have used are: Shea Moisture everything Curl Enhancing Smoothie, the shampoo Curl and Shine, moisture retention shampoo,Pantene Curls products, olive oil,mixed chicks, Organix bkt treatment and I'm sure there is more. Not crazy about Mixed Chicks but everything else is wonderful. My hair has seen alittle damage. But I am ok. My hair is starting to get longer. Flat twist make it stretch out pretty good. I am probably not going to straighten or put heat on my hair next year. Unless I have to, to fit a certain look. My new favorite protective style is flat twist tucked in my banana clip. I can wear that for like 3 days with  Quench curls and coconut oil each day and then for the rest of the week I can wear my hair out. It's pretty smart. I'm just trying to get shoulder length curl. I'm not sure how long it would take but I'm going to do it. Since I straighten my hair I'm going to get my ends trim. I think it could use alittle trimming. My natural hair journey makes me sensitive to my hair but love it more. It's so interested to see all these women now trying a more natural look. It's a cool feeling to feel like I could have been someone's inspiration towards containing to be natural. Good Luck

Day 1 and 2 of Protective Styling

My personal challenge has started. July 31st I co washed my hair with some Suave conditioner and MyHoneyChild OliveYou scalp cleanser. I used the wrong thing leave in conditioner. This Mixed Silk stuff is terrible. If I wanted my hair to be weighed down  I would use it but  for a wash and go it was terrible. But that's another story. My hair wasn't fresh feeling. It was soft and what not but I didn't like it. I'm back in my banded french ponytail style. It's becoming my favorite protective style. I think i"m going to wet my hair and slight it back into a bun tomorrow. I really hope that my hair will grow out like I need.

So here is another thing that is bothering me. Well not bothering me but just is interesting to me. Everyone is cutting their hair. It is so interesting to see everyone just as interesting in natural hair now.  I guess it bothers me because I felt judged when it was transitioning  and now it's trending.  I suppose it a good thing. I feel like I started this trend at my school . LOL